Oh I like a T.I. and Justin Timberlake song, this really cannot happen. I mean T.I., okay whatever he’s just a rapper like all the billions of others out there, but Justin Timberlake? No no no. No. Oh well, I love it. Ha.

Pray for my cousin please, he’s in the ER right now with ‘possible head injury and broken ribs’ according to my aunt’s Facebook status, from a baseball game of all things. Crazy kids. But seriously prayers are appreciated.

So my OCD really is getting out of control, haha like really. Because I was feeling all blah and lethargic and letting things pile up and drown me, stupid little things I could do in five or ten minutes if I wanted to so I made myself a schedule. A detailed schedule with plenty of time for everything (including sleep, I hear it’s important) and immediatley I felt so much better. I had my day all planned out and all the things I need to get done on a daily basis in their neat little spaces and I just … breathed this huge sigh of relief and all was well in the world. It doesn’t even matter if I follow it, just the fact that I have it is enough to make me feel better. Ridiculous.

And I don’t know what else to say right now. Life is really just amazing and lovely and I’m having so much fun just being here, getting to know the new people and trying to hold onto some of the old and getting to know God again and doing a little life cleanup. Coming to terms with a lot of the things that were just driving me crazy and making me so unhappy, thanks to all you wonderful people for your prayers and things and just realizing that I have to do what I have to do to be happy and it can’t always be about making sure ‘the other person’ is okay with it. Now if I just had spring and the ability to write in regular sentences life would be complete. Haha just kidding … about the sentences. I really do need spring and for this horrible horrible cold to let go of me and the world and everything. Ugh. But on the bright side it does give us an excuse to randomly invade the gym and display our spasticness right outside Matt’s office. Which I’m sure he just loves. Yeah.

And finally I just found out that there are several people reading this who I didn’t even know knew about it (oh what an awful messed-up sentence), so hi people! *wave* You should say something sometime you know, in case I accidentally talk about you and don’t know you’re reading. Which I would definitely do. :) And now I think some Dead Poets Society is in order so bye!

—

…has there not always been some secret attraction which the others are curiously ignorant of- something, not to be identified with, but always on the verge of breaking through, the smell of cut wood in the workshop or the clap clap of water against the boat’s side?

Are not all lifelong friendships born at that moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences in between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for?

You have never had it.

All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it- tantalizing glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they reached your ear. But if it should really become manifest- if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself- you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say,

“Here at last is the thing I was made for.”

We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our partners or made our friends or chose our work; and which we will still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows partner or friend or work.

While we are, this is.

If we lose this, we lose all.

-C. S. Lewis