Last Tuesday after BCM Bible study a group of people stayed late, like really late until nearly midnight discussing important and difficult Biblical questions. Namely: Did it rain before the flood? Haha seriously, that’s what they discussed for nearly two hours after the main Bible study ended, complete with looking in various translations and reading footnotes or whatever they’re called in the Bible, arguing the semantics of different verses, et cetera. Pretty crazy but definitely interesting to listen to, especially when Michael got all worked up over it and shouted about being right. No conclusion was reached obviously, and I certainly don’t know the answer but now it’s actually got me curious. I don’t even know why it’s important but … what do you think, if you think anything at all? Did it rain before the flood? Or did a mist just come up from the ground and that was it? Or something else that wasn’t even considered?

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Yesterday I wore boots with a bit of a heel and today my feet are angry about it. Delayed reaction? Yeah. Why oh why must the library be so far away? Today I also learned from Miranda that: (1) you should never eat something if you pull it out and it smells like pine sap, and (2) it is indeed possible to get shredded cheese in your sock … while you’re wearing it. Oh my.

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In the past week I have ordered Women of the Bible: 52 Stories for Prayer and Reflection by Ann Spangler, No Graven Image by Elizabeth Elliot (which I got yesterday), and have also been working on scanning Cracked: Putting Broken Lives Together Again by Dr. Drew Pinsky (whom I love beyond love and whose book I was very sad to learn was out of print because I found it so late). Must. Stop. Buying. Books. But wow this new world of Amazon buying and scanning so I can read them with the Braille display is addicting. So many more possibilities for reading this way, and they’re usually so cheap, and I can giv them away afterward and share my love/obsession of words and omg! Haha I love books, and this is an idea that should’ve occurred to me sooner but didn’t until Miranda started doing it. Thank you wonderful writers for writing so many wonderful books.

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In two weeks it will be my birthday. I will be twenty. What? Really? Surely not, I think it’s a mistake. I was never meant to be in the ‘adult world’, doing whatever it is adults do. I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid and all that, except not really because I’m absolutely terrified of Toys R Us and will never set foot in one of their stores again. I will live in denial until I am old and gray and rocking chair-bound, and even then I can claim senility and pretend I’m still a Rollerblade Lego Rugrats puddle-jumping tree-climbing fruit snack kid. Or I can drown my sorrows in all the lovely lovely books I’m going to make people buy me and pretend I’m going to grow up to be a successful English teacher in a foreign country and get to see and do all the things I wish for, until the world slaps me in the face with a real university and then it’s back to plan A.

—

Right now I am shutting up, off to shower and gym it before Bible study at nine. Then homework at some painfully late hour when I should [and would much rather] be sleeping. Oh busy busy me. Happy days.

I am overflowing.

Miranda and I went to Parkview to visit everyone on Thursday and we had a talk with Mr. Pack. Always such awesome talks with him, he knows so many things and he likes to ramble on about them haha, I always feel like I’m back in class but it’s great. He told us that there are more foreign missionaries going out and spreading love and healing to other places than there are American ones now, Miranda’s mom thought it was sad but we both thought it was wonderful and exciting and just, wow. It’s what we’re trying for, at least what I think we should be trying for and we shouldn’t be sad that we’re being overtaken, we should be thankful and happy that so many others are coming to Christ and bringing Him to others who need Him, and motivated to do more, be more. And he told us about some people who were going into a foreign place to do missionary work and they were told to ship their things in a casket instead of a suitcase because they were probably going to die within two years from all the diseases they have there, and the people still went and were ready and willing and shipped their things in caskets like they were told to. Love it, love it. At first I was like ‘wow how morbid and sad and scary’ but then I was humbled, I don’t think I would be able to do something like that and it’s like a slap in the face that I really need sometimes. As he said we’re sleeping through our faith and all these difficult times and we just … need to wake up. Wow.

And then he was telling us about this Perspectives course he’s taken like four times now, and how he gets annoyed when students come in for class because he’s so into the reading and homework and stuff, lol, and he ordered us to do it next spring because he’s getting certified to set up a class in Muskogee. So exciting, it definitely sounds like something I want to do and he said he would get the recordings of the missionaries who come and speak each week and give them to us to listen to. He wants us to read Brian Hogan’s book There’s A Sheep In My Bathtub so he got an audio copy and will give it to us in a week or so after his daughter is finished with it. But he wants to pass it on to a lot of people so we have to read it pretty fast. Aaahhh it was a day full of lovely things and the loveliest of all is that William P;. Young is coming to Tulsa! That’s so much closer than where we were originally going to see him and I am beyond excited even though I have no idea what he’s speaking about. It sounds like an exaggeration but “The Shack” really was a life-changing book for me and it’s amazing that I’ll get to hear him speak about it.

There’s more, so much more. I feel like my heart is going to burst wide open and spill all these things out into my little personal bit of the world which probably isn’t ready for them. When I got this blog I was planning to update more and not always about these things but I’m through trying to be quiet and discrete about something so huge, something that should be my entire life and not just a part of it. I’m tired of trying to keep friends around who aren’t where I am and don’t feel what I’m feeling and can’t accept that it’s the greatest and most real thing I’ve ever been a part of. I tiptoe around it and walk on eggshells so I can make them comfortable enough to stick around but I don’t know why I should bother, it’s not worth it. I’m happy, really happy and I don’t need this cloud hanging over my head. I’m not really ready to write about the rest of it yet, I’ve only talked about it with Miranda and Coach (who I only met Thursday night but who was more of an encouragement to me than most people are these days), just pray for me if you’re the praying sort. It’s part wonderful, part terrible and I’m warring with myself over it so just … keep me in mind. Thank you all for being wonderful.

I made an A on my first algebra test and a B on the psychology one which I studied for about an hour before I took it. I have a possible potential major and rest-of-college plan, I wrote a poem which is here if you happen to want to read it, and now I really need to stop writing and take my clothes out of the drier and take a shower. Going to Miranda’s for the evening and to church tomorrow morning, Jerry is coming back for two weekends because the song leader is off to Israel and I’m so excited to see him again. I want to update more so I don’t have to cram so many things into every post but I’m busy, busy and when I’m not I’m tired, tired. It’s really nice. Anyway byyyyye!

—

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we’d recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
And I think He’d prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I’m tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus
But I’m not sure what that means, to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus

I know I just posted last night but …

Be Mine

13 Feb 2009

Rachel Olsen

“
My lover is mine, and I am his.” Song of Solomon 2:16 (NLT)

While I spent the last few months thinking about Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s, another group of people likely spent it focused on Valentine’s Day: greeting card writers. Valentine’s Day is the second-biggest card-buying holiday besides Christmas. More than 200 million cards will be exchanged this weekend. That’s a lot of love.

Have you ever watched somebody pick out a greeting card for someone special? Growing up, my family owned a chain of Hallmark stores where I worked as a sales clerk. The occasional customer would breeze in, look at two or three cards and then head to my cash register. However, most would spend 10, 20, even 30 minutes reading through cards, searching for the just right expression of love.

In Christ, God sent us the ultimate Valentine. “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life” (John 3:16, The Message). Whole and lasting, two things we desperately seek but rarely find in this world. Long after the greeting cards I might receive are forgotten, I know that God’s love for me endures.

Jesus demonstrated His love for us and taught us how to live and love each other. He received criticism, testing and rejection — and yet gathered strength from God to turn the other cheek. Jesus prayed for us, and His enemies. He even suffered crucifixion in order to save us from our sin. Jesus is God’s perfect expression of love. His life and death are God saying to me and you, “Be Mine.”

Yes, God loves us so much that He gave us His most valuable gift, Himself. And after Jesus rose from the grave and ascended back to heaven, God sent His Spirit to remain with us. As He shares Himself with us through His Son and His Spirit, God says, “You are my beloved.” Hearing that is better than any sentiment the best card-writer could pen. God Himself, given for you and me – as well as anyone willing to open their heart to Him — demonstrates the ultimate expression of love. Like melt-in-your-mouth chocolates from a heart shape satin box, He invites us to taste and see that He is good.

Close your eyes and hear Him whispering to you today, “Be Mine.”

In case you care, Xanga is now here.

Today I got lost on my own for the first time since being at school. And I didn’t have my phone with me to call anyone, score one for me. I thought I knew where I was going and I still think I did but I don’t know, maybe I was off center or at some weird angle or something and maybe I crossed a crosswalk without even realizing it (which is actually pretty scary), but it still doesn’t make any sense to me. I only had to walk straight for a while and then turn left and follow a sidewalk until I turned right to the steps to my dorm. Only I could manage to mess that up. I was actually more angry than freaked out or anything like that because there were lots of people around so it’s not like I couldn’t have asked for help, but I know that area and where I need to go and it was annoying me that I couldn’t figure it out. But then I was just standing there waiting for a truck or something to pass and this guy came walking toward me and was like ‘Miranda, do you need help?’ Haha so I told him who I actually am and figured out who he was (Jacob, Crystal’s friend) and he helped me get to the dorm. He’s talltalltall and doesn’t sound a bit like I thought he did which is very weird and confusing, but whatever. Ha. So I went in and had a rant to Miranda about the whole thing and it was all good, but that’s the first real blindie moment I’ve had in aaaaaages. Ugh.

My sister and Anthony have decided to put off their wedding which honestly relieves me, I was weirded out by that whole thing. Not that he’s weird or anything, just that they’re so young and have been dating for such a short time (at least when you start thinking about marriage) and they’re struggling so much with money at the moment. And she needs a root canal and went out this evening to buy a $400 phone she doesn’t really need. I’m ridiculously cheap and frugal and I know this, but honestly it makes me sad how set we all are on getting our material possessions, staying ahead of everyone else and feeling security in the knowledge that we have the latest and greatest of everything. It’s all so temporary and it doesn’t really matter and we need to prioritize, prioritize. I mean a nice shiny new cell phone isn’t going to be much good if your teeth are falling out and your gums are swelling and you can’t talk on it, or text because you’re high on pain meds. Haha, dramatic I am. But anyway, no wedding dress shopping for meeeee. Yay.

Happy Valentine’s Day if you’re into that. My parents aren’t doing anything special for it (or so they say) and Miranda’s family are supposed to be going camping even though it’s going to be coooooold, so obviously we’re not too enthusiastic. Haha. I bought myself a Valentine milk chocolate bar and then left it at school which makes me very sad, but my mom got me cookies which makes me very happy. I wanted to get myself one of those Hallmark cards and record myself a message (yes I’m serious) but I never got around to that. So anyway, hopefully you have fun with whatever you decide to do even though the day itself is lame.

My newest playlist, springy songs that make me feel upbeat/content:
Girl Inform Me / Red Rabbits / Sea Legs – The Shins -
Feelin’ Good – Michael Buble -
Good Day Sunshine / Here Comes the Sun – The Beatles -
Mushaboom – Feist -
Passing Afternoon – Iron and Wine -
Wouldn’t It Be Nice – Beach Boys -
Mykonos – Fleet Foxes -
General Specific – Band of Horses -
Brand New Colony – Postal Service -
The Way You Do the Things You Do – The Temptations -
Do You Believe In Magic – The Lovin’ Spoonful -
Never Let You Go – Third Eye Blind -
Accidentally In Love – Counting Crows
[I need more!]

Current favorite songs (this changes frequently):
General Specific / Our Swords – Band of Horses (both so pretty and catchy) -
Ghosts / My Manic and I – Laura Marling (sad, haunting, beautiful) -
White Winter Hymnal – Fleet Foxes -
Inside Outside – Delirious (I am seriously addicted to this song, love it) -
Sweetly Broken – Jeremy Riddle

And now, bed. Home for the first time in three weeks, definitely looking forward to some really good and hopefully extended sleep.

Oh and PS. Congratulations to Miranda (and Natalie and Crystal and everyone else I don’t actually know) for being awesome Presidential scholars with a ‘hunger to learn’. Even though Miranda has more of a hunger to skip classes and sleep all the time. Haha. And I love rain, lovelovelove. My Pac Mate doesn’t, though. Oops. Shoot me, I haven’t read a single verse since the week before last. Argh! Okay bye!

Leave me a secret.
http://seafoamwaltz.livejournal.com/38606.html

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I almost didn’t make it out of bed for church this morning–1AM return from the store will do that to a person. But finally I rolled out and woke Miranda, got ready in less than an hour and skipped breakfast to make it on time. It was definitely worth it. I had the strongest feeling that it would be but I often try to ignore my strong feelings because I think they’re just my indecision warring with itself. It couldn’t be God, couldn’t be His voice speaking to me, not me. This time I listened and the sermon was wonderful and the Bible study afterward was wonderful but it was really the singing that did it, the singing always does for me. Something about so many voices unashamedly unapologetically raised in unison, filling the room with ‘you’re the God of this city, you’re the King of these people, you’re the Lord of this nation, you are. You’re the light in this darkness, you’re the hope to the hopeless, you’re the peace to the restless, you are. There is no one like our God, there is no one like our God. Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city’.

So simple, so simple but I felt so happy to be there in that one particular moment, sharing what all their voices were sharing and going where all their hearts were going. I don’t know, I don’t know how to say it in words but it’s the one thing that takes away all my negative feelings towards organized religion and makes me remember that we’re all worshipping the same God. We’re all just souls searching for contact, whatever else we might be and I definitely need to be reminded of that because sometimes, I get really stuck on seeing ‘what’s wrong with this picture’ when I should be focused on what the artist is trying to say.

And then there was Chinese food, well at least a Chinese restaurant but I ate fish and salt and pepper shrimp and fried potatoes and it was really quite delicious. Valerie and Natalie and Rowdy had a discussion about marriage and dating customs and how it’s all changed over the years, and it made me think all over again how silly the whole thing is. If I ever meet the right person, whatever right means and whoever that is, it’s going to be ‘love love love, nothing but love love love’. None of the structure and none of the rules, nothing forced. But I’m not very worried about it at all since I don’t really feel like it’s part of the plan, and I know it’s not just my plan to make but I really don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable putting down roots like that and giving so much to someone so temporary. Maybe I’m wrong, time will tell.

Anyway, I’ll really stop rambling now and finish this post so I can go and study for my developmental psych test tomorrow. We went to the park after lunch, Miranda and her mother and I, walked and walked and collapsed on a bench in the sun. There were little kids and ducks and dogs and skateboards and it was all really nice. The kind of day that makes me wish I could take pictures. We had some nice discussions about religion and customs and that, and got her mom in on our plan to see William P. Young in April (so awesome that he’s actually coming to Oklahoma, excited excited), and then we went to her house and played with her dog, had ice cream and came back to school. It was a lovely Sunday, the kind I haven’t had in ages and I’m very glad I managed to drag myself out of bed for it. I’m sure you’re not glad for having to read this endless post, but I really do need to study so at least it’s coming to an end now.

On a final note: I am sick. It’s pretty lame. My throat feels raw and angry and my nose is so stuffed up and I spent most of yesterday feeling achy and tired and a bit fevery. And hobbly from [over]doing lunges, but that one is my own fault so I guess you can laugh at me if you’re so unkindly inclined. End.